My Story – so far
My first attempts to lose weight I undertook when I was 19. I wore a size 14, and I thought I was fat. I looked good, but did not know it. Also my surroundings made me understand that I should eat less and lose weight. I did like to eat, I guess because I learned early that an eating child was a good child. My favorite thing to eat was sweets.
After High School I started an apprenticeship in the city, so I was out all day and free to eat what I wanted. I did take advantage of my freedom and my own money and literally was a four-year old in a candy store. My lunch breaks I mainly spent on my own, so I could eat what I wanted, and on my commute home I acted like the cookie monster again.
The destructive behavior went on for a few years. I realized that I could not continue like that. My eating was out of control. So, at 19, I went on my first diet, and so began my dreadful relationship with the unpleasant Yo-Yo-effect.
From then on I was either losing weight or gaining weight, always looking for the next “fix” or the next diet, which now for sure would be the one that made me slim forever:
Shakes (with and without Dr.’s supervision)
Weighing and measuring
Over the period of 20 years I lost a total of 150 lbs and gained a total of 290 lbs, you do the math. Every period of restriction was followed by excess, gaining every pound back that I lost and more. Shame and hopelessness were my constant companions; I was miserable.
Being slimmer always felt so good, and I would swear every time, not to go back to my old ways, without success. I identified with my eating behavior: Did I eat “well”, I WAS good that day. Did I eat “badly”, I WAS a failure.
Did I slip one day, I took advantage of it and ate all the forbidden foods I could, because a new diet would start tomorrow, or whenever I was ready. But today, today I already “f-d up”, so what the hell. From Monday on I would only eat chicken breast, cottage cheese and carrots and no more sweets. I promise.
A vicious circle without emergency exit.
I was in it for over 20 years. Exhausting.
What if it was never about the weight, or the food? What if I had good reasons to eat? What if my constant hunger was emotional in nature? Could I still it with cheesecake and chocolate? And what if no food was forbidden and I could eat whatever I wanted? Would I still want the “bad” food? Do I maybe want the “bad” food BECAUSE it is forbidden?
The solution: No more diets! No more forbidden foods! DIETS DON’T WORK! Take the focus off the weight and the food, and look at your emotions, your patterns and believes, and listen to the voices in your head that sabotage you.
Transformation can only happen from a place of self-love, never self-judgement.
This process is not a quick one, it takes time and patience. It leads to a place of self-love and freedom.
And freedom is what I have today. I love myself today, and I love my food. I eat what I want, and I am no longer ashamed or in misery. I am at peace with myself; enjoying my life.
It is my mission to bring this feeling to every compulsive eater that is still suffering. Contact me!